29

Nobody actually tagged me for this one, but I've been wanting to do it for awhile.

1-Mother "feels funny" and decides to head for the hospital. I am born in one of these in a Methodist Church parking lot. I am in the newspaper for the first time.

2-We move from Berwick, IL, where cattle roam freely through the town and our backyard, to Farmington, where we can hear the boom of stripmining all day.

3-I go to preschool in the basement of Spoon River College, where my mother is working on her Master's in Education. The first day I believe she is literally leaving me forever. By the end of the day I have organized the children in a parade.

4-Known as the neighborhood nudist, older children ring my doorbell and say, "Mrs. Boomerific, I found sster's clothes on the corner again." Illinois summers are hot, you know. At the ballfield it is harder to completely disrobe without detection, but I manage on most days to leave my underpants in the sandbox.

5-Kindergarten…sigh. The wonderful world of school begins, and I decide never to leave. I give my teacher, the dreamy Buffy Heller, all the credit. Thus also begins my strange ability to get along better with teachers than my peers. Except, of course, for my very first boyfriend (we were separated for kissing), who will later be mauled by a bear.

6-Have major crushes on both Michael Jackson and Joe Montana.

7-Find out on the first day of second grade that Joe Montana has been MARRIED to some little beast named Jennifer, instead of waiting for ME. The devestation passes and I move on to boys in my own class, most of whom are unaware that they are my boyfriends.

8-Move to Pennsylvania a mere five months after devestating tornadoes rip through the region. Lifelong tornado phobia begins.

9-Am humiliated by fourth-grade math teacher in front of entire class. First day with glasses am greeted by 25 laughing peers.

10-Remain friendless in school but have a torrid romance with boy from church. I receive a kiss on the cheek in the church basement. He tears up the stairs. I will be on-again, off-again with this boy until I am 15.

11-Am invited to a popular girls' birthday party where there is actual dancing, albeit to the classy Bobby Brown's "My Prerogative" over and over and over.

12-Meet one of my best friends for life, Liz, a person who more than anyone I know understands the meaning of loyalty. We are unaware of just how much we will go through together in the next few years.

13-Have finally, for the first time since I moved to Pennsylvania, secured a tight circle of girl friends to eat lunch with and do innocuous things like roller skating while our more popular peers are getting ready to get laid and do some serious bush-drinking.

14-Spend long hours exploring the large tract of woods, streams, and ravines behind our house. Realize, profoundly, what a beautiful place I've been blessed to live in.

15-Church-wide conflict begins with my father at the center. He works hard, as the pastor, to help the factions work together. They decide instead of examining themselves to make him the scapegoat.

16-As church matters worsen, meet one of my soulmates, this time at school. He plays clarinet in the orchestra. We go sledding. One day it turns into a date.

17-My father has held on as long as he can and we move to Connecticut where he pastors a new church and I am utterly miserable.

18-I have nightmares all summer.  They stop as soon as I enter college.  College is GOOD and I am happy for the first time in years.

19-Break up with above-mentioned soulmate.  Begin period of intense spiritual questioning and angst.

20-Make friends with another of my soulmates, who introduces me to a whole set of characters.  I spend all spring dancing and enjoying incredible local live music.  I meet Attic Man, who attended high school with said friend.  I know it's right but I am still mourning.  I struggle.  I give in. He proposes on the first date.  I tell him to ask me again later.
21-The spiritual angst continues in Ireland.  I gain 25 pounds in six months from drinking and eating awesome pub food at 2 a.m. Take a trip via bus and hitching around the island while my fellow students are all on the continent.

22-Student teach, hate it, realize what adult life takes. Right before Christmas, two bites into a brownie, I know.  I know it like a tidal wave is sweeping over my body and there is nothing I can do to stop it.  I ask him to ask me again and I accept.

23- 

Oh, hell.  I have written this post three times and I keep losing it.  The point was to get to 29 and tell you, my wonderful readers, that I am knocked up.  That's right: sster's got a bun in the oven.