Re: One Flesh

I think Dawn’s and Barb’s comments highlight what can make adoption so difficult and complex: multiple parties with incredible psychological, emotional and physical needs that cannot reasonably be met all at the same time.  We can approximate a balance but it’s never perfect.  What makes it even more complicated is just what Dawn mentions, that no one’s experience of parenthood is the same (case in point is Barb’s comment–I never anticipated placing the Snapper, whereas she went into delivery planning for it).  And there’s no way of knowing, even if you’ve given birth or adopted before, what exactly you will need and how you will react.  What I’m trying to get at is that I’d like to see more flexibility in adoption ‘plans’ that keeps these contingencies in mind.  Of course no one should be forced to parent just because some people like me have the experience of gradual physical separation.  But maybe temporary parenting should at least be on the table.  It may shock you to hear me say this if you remember that we passed on a situation in which the parents wanted just that.  When discussing it with Attic Man we agreed that with a sensitive and ethical social worker and a relationship with the potential first parents we might be more open to that kind of thing in the future.  I haven’t quite figured out what that would mean for the child.  I have a lot more to work out before we pursue adoption again.  It feels, actually, like we’re starting over now that we’ve been through the process partially once and have birthed a son.   There’s just so much more ground to go over.

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