OK. So it’s not colic, but it’s driving me insane. The child does not want to settle at night, especially in the bassinet or any other flat surface where he is alone (or, in his mind, abandoned!). He nurses and nurses and nurses for hours, then cries and cries and cries–unless held or nursing–until a) he actually falls asleep in the bassinet (rare); b) we give in and put him in the car seat; or c) exhausted, he falls asleep on my chest, and I enter a light, fitful sleep until he wakes for the next feeding. I fully anticipated many night feedings. Oh, what a blessing it would be if it were only that! Simply being awakened every 3 hours and going back to sleep!
We have tried:
Prewarming the bassinet; putting him down fully asleep, partially asleep, fully awake; fully/partially swaddling, not swaddling; using a blanket and light sleeper, using no blanket and a warm sleeper; pacifier; belly rubs; putting him down head/feet/butt/stomach first; singing; pleading (“please, please, please go to sleep! please stop crying!” etc.); crying ourselves; and on and on.
At his doctor’s visit we were encouraged to just keep trying. We have implemented every single suggestion to no avail, with one exception: the AmbyBaby Hammock, which even on e-bay is like buying a new crib.
So if you’ve tried something–provided it’s SIDS safe–that has worked, PLEASE let me know. We’ll try anything.
Three weeks old is growth spurt time! Just keep nursing, just keep nursing, just keep nursing!!! You are doing fabulous, and just when you think that you can’t keep up this phase any longer, the spurt should be coming close to an end.
Here are some links:
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/normal/growth-spurt.html
And just in case there are evening fussies mixed with tank down feedings in the evening…
http://www.kellymom.com/babyconcerns/fussy-evening.html
I know ass-all about babies, honestly.
But do you consider co-sleeping to be a SIDS risk?
If he doesn’t like to be away from you…
I read through the list that you presented on things you’ve already tried and I can’t think of anything new to add.
All I can offer is encouragement. Hang in there, this stage will pass. Honestly, it will. Just do your best to muddle through it the best you can and know that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
As for the AmbyBaby Hammock, is there any way you can borrow one from another mom (if you know any that have one) to try it out? Do you have a Craigslist or Freecycle in your city that you could find one for a reasonable price?
This is totally normal. It is the rare baby who can sleep on his own flat on his back this young. However you get the most sleep is what you should do; you can work on sleep habits later, after 3-4 months. Try looking up the Ask Moxie archives on sleep. She’s really great when it comes to managing your expectations while fostering good sleep habits.
You are doing great! Hang in there, this is a really tough stage.
Ah, this is right about when we split shifts I think. One of us would committ to the barely-sleeping for the first half of the night and the other for the other. Of course momma gets less sleep out of the deal in that you will still have to nurse, but this way everybody gets some sleep at some point.
And then we co-slept, which isn’t an option for everyone.
(If it isn’t colic, I’d agree with the growth spurt assessment, and with the suggestion not to try to establish your sleep habits just yet. Right now, just concentrate on getting through).
I’m so, so sorry to hear that you’re going through this, and I can’t offer anything as I had a hell of a time getting a three-month old to sleep longer than 2 hours at a time for a while there. Can you pump and split the night, you nursing on your shifts, your husband feeding your stored milk when he takes a shift?
Delurking to say: the other posters are right – this is a really tough stretch that will soon pass no matter what you do. Meanwhile, what’s wrong with the car seat? Our refluxy baby slept in the car seat and swing for months, with our pediatrician’s blessing. It isn’t until much later that you need to worry about “habits”. Both my twin boys turned into great crib sleepers at about 4 months, and before that, we did whatever worked. It gets so much easier, I promise! Congratulations on your lttle one.
Our baby is sleeping in a bouncy seat. Pretty much the same thing as a car seat. I don’t think there’s any sids risk involved in sleeping propped up (given they can’t fall/slide face down) so if he likes the car seat…why not? After I’ve fed the baby in the night my husband changes her and then gets her back to sleep. Sometimes that means she sleeps on his chest and sometimes she ends up co-sleeping till the next feeding. I was so against co-sleeping with our first, but with this one I keep falling asleep while she’s nursing. That wasn’t really an option when we were bottle feeding.
Question- when your son is nursing is he really latched well and drinking or is he comfort nursing? Maybe instead of one really long snack you could hold out inbetween feedings so he gets a really full meal. When our baby gets a really good feeding she conks out, as opposed to when she “snacks”, she wakes right back up. But like everyone said, this is just part of the deal. It’s hard, and it will pass. That’s why they say to sleep when your baby is sleeping, even if you’re catnapping all day.
Both my kids slept in the car seat for the first few months. As did my three nieces. We just put the carseat on the floor beside the bed. They both eventually transitioned into the crib without too much trouble.
Sorry to hear things are so overwhelming right now, but you will get through this.
Do you have a clothes dryer? (NO, I’m not suggesting “kid in dryer”!) I’ve heard that lots of colicky babies like sleeping in the car seat on top of a clothes dryer that is running–there’s vibration and white noise, the combination of which helps.
I’m with the others–if he likes to sleep in the car seat, let him sleep there. Also, the split shifts is a good idea–three hours is dad’s time, three hours is your time.
Alas, other than that, I don’t have any good suggestions, because we never had a newborn in the house. Best of luck! And try to get some sleep, somehow, some way!
Oh, how I remember those days! Well, not really remember, since it’s all a sleep deprived haze, but I do know what you’re going through. I know it’s the last thing you want to hear, but it will end when it ends and there’s not really much you can do to change that. Mike and I are lucky in that we have an absolutely fantastic sleeper of a son, but he wasn’t that way at first!
Have you mastered nursing while lying down? That way at least you can be semi-sleeping while he nurses. I’ve also read in a few books that some babies like to be in a bit of a “den” while in their bassinet/crib. You can make one with some very tightly rolled receiving blankets (secured with rubber bands) put in a U-shape under the sheet, and snuggle the baby in feet at the bottom of the U. That way he can still feel somewhat confined while alone in his bassinet.
In the end, just do what you have to do to get through this stage. Other posters are completely correct in that he’s just too young to be trying to form any sorts of sleep hygiene. Those first two or three months are really still an adjustment period for the baby. He’s not really neurologically able to self soothe until he’s at least 8 weeks old, really more like 12 weeks. Our little guy didn’t really learn to self soothe until he was able to consistenly find his own hand to suck on (never took the binkie), and that wasn’t until around 12 weeks.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this, but you’re in good company. Give it some time and it will get better. In the meantime, just beat your head against a wall for a while – maybe the concussion will let you sleep!
You poor thing! It’s totally overwhelming.
A couple of other suggestions… baby massage – you can take a quick class or probably learn it from a book or a video. It helped a lot when Roo was colicky and wouldn’t settle. And I know you said you love the sling – will he let you or Attic Man wear him down to sleep? If he will, you can just ease it off once he’s really out and
let him lie in it for a while before you move it out from under him. Baths are great too – with lavender baby soap and nice warm water. We always got a solid few hours after a bath, even when Roo was only a few weeks old. Finally, even if you’re not into co-sleeping, laying down with him next to you can help – it’s still the only way I can settle Roo in the middle of the night. Once he falls asleep that way (which is FAST) I can usually move him out of the bed easily.
Hang in there. You’re doing great, mama!
Just read over my comment. Sorry for the extreme usage of the word “really” in the second to last paragraph. I got carried away.
Noah woke every hours to nurse until he was two. Then he’d sleep for three hours at the start of the night and be up every hour after. At 3.5 he’d sleep for four hours at the front and then be up twice more — that’s when I weaned him. But it didn’t make me crazy so I didn’t do anything about it. (We co-slept, I could nurse lying down while dozing — learning to nurse while lying down was like a miracle to me; it solved all my problems!)
Madison had colic (or something) the first four months and would not sleep except in the sling and screamed on and off all day unless she was in arms and sometimes even then. She grew out of it when she started to crawl. It was awful and even now thinking about it makes my eyes hurt. Things that helped (but didn’t entirely cure it): a bundleme (I think that’s what it’s called?) swaddle blanket and white noise.
Magicpointeshoes is right — this is classic growth-spurt stuff. Thing is with babies that first year is that every time you think you’re in a schedule, something changes — they growth-spurt, they start teething or they head for a developmental milestone that has them waking themselves up crawling, rolling over or talking.
I also agree that you do whatever works. Check out the sleep books and see which makes sense to you. Some people will swear by sleep training and others will swear by sucking it up and getting through it. They’re all right — whatever works for you and keeps you sane is the right thing to do. I did find Crying Baby, Sleepless Nights to be incredibly comforting with Madison though. And then my inlaws love the Weisbluth (what is it? happy baby healthy sleep habits? or vice versa?) book and they have two great sleepers.
My youngest slept in a car seat until about 6 mos. old. He had reflux and spit everything up if lying down. I put the car seat on the floor by my bed and could stick my foot out and rock it when he woke up crying. That and singing got us through. Maybe your baby has heartburn? I don’t know if bf babies get that, but if he hates lying down maybe something is hurting… Other ideas:
Have you tried a pacifier? I was totally against it with my first because of what I was taught about breastfeeding, but my mom convinced me to try it and it really does help with comforting at night. It doesn’t hurt to try since you have the nursing routine established. Maybe then he would ease off the constant nursing and eat fuller meals at slightly longer intervales. Just a little change might give you a break and chance to build up milk supply. All three of my boys gave up the pacifier by 8 months with no problem at all.
Maybe you could get a less expensive sling. I made mine for about $5 and it is wonderful. I don’t know about the one you mentioned, but I bet you can find something that will do the job for not too much cost. It’s the closeness that is important and that can be low tech. If you want a link to the site that tells how to make one let me know.
What the others said is true: it is a stage and you will get through it. Just keep trying to find a way to juggle the demands so that you get as much sleep as possible. And hang on!
OK so I reread your post and I see you did try the paci. Maybe he didn’t take to it right away but if you try again he might get used to it. I had to keep offering it and keep putting it in because in the beginning they spit everything out. If you are totally against them, I apologize for suggesting it. But for me, I learned that they are useful and make a difference, tipping the scale toward being able to cope.
And I looked up the baby hammock. It looks delightful. I’d like one for me so I can curl up in there with a good book LOL! But the old second hand car seat that I used, sitting it on the floor and rocking it with my foot, worked exactly the same way and did an excellent job. Nothing wrong with that!
Our son was very similar as an infant it sounds like.
So things we also tried
What worked:
Lambskin (washable and he still sleeps with one sixteen years later)
Air cleaner beside bed (for white noise)
Cradle beside our bed was pretty good some of the time, tied string to it to make it move.
baby swing worked some of the time.
Baths before bed, seemed to wear him out sometimes enough to sleep.
don’t do anything else but rest during the day. Let the house go to hell in a handbasket, feed yourself and rest, because of course this too shall pass. I wish I had done more of that when I had new babies.
Know that we sympathize. Oh how we sympathize.
Much love.
Other suggestions:
Heartbeat bear? We couldn’t afford one and thus never tried it but it might have worked.
Heartbeat lullabies?
We did sleep with him in our bed for a while that worked but he was such a light sleeper that I moved him into a bed right beside us.
converting your crib to a cosleeper right beside your bed (we did not have the room for this but it might have been good)
Folks may jump all over me for this comment, but we really, really have benefited from co-sleeping. We studied how to do it safely, and since we have a king-size bed, it was easy to make her snuggle-nest between us at the head of the bed. SIDS rates are lower with co-sleeping – and if you do not drink or take meds that prevent you from waking up when a baby fusses, it is generally considered safe. FWIW, Cookie was (and still is) a light sleeper. At 1 yr. old, she still wakes up at night wet or hungry or both – we just deal and know that when she is a teenager, all she will want to do is sleep, and we will remember this time and laugh our heineys off.