Boomerific began as a way to work through issues related to our first adoption attempt which, as you know, resulted in lots of reading, personal angst and redefinition, soul-searching, an outlay of money, and ultimately three failed attempts at bringing a child home (in two of those cases, though, children stayed with their mothers, so it’s a mixed story for sure).
Then along came the Snapper through old-fashioned means, then exams and a dissertation, then law school. Attic Man and I came to the conclusion that we had to cease adoption talk in the practical sense, as we have a tendency to act too soon once an idea takes hold. Seeing as we aren’t exactly in the ideal position to adopt, it was a smart choice.
But lately I’ve been feeling the stirrings of family fever and I’m no longer content to sit around and wait for life to straighten itself out enough for me to start thinking through adoption for our family again. With Attic Man’s agreement we are going to start really, really tentatively and with all sorts of clauses and exceptions, talking about how to proceed. The idea is to have some kind of a highly flexible plan in place so that the minute we’re ready we’ll have worked all kinds of things out and can go forward with an adoption process.
(Dear Attic Man and my friend A.: I have finished revising that conference paper! Really I have! A., it’s in your inbox.)
Preliminary thoughts: I’ve still been reading all the adoption blogs I did before and even some new ones, so I’m hip to the issues of open records, birth certificates, enforceable open adoption agreements, etc. My thinking about domestic infant adoption has also developed considerably compared to when we started this whole thang years ago. While many private and agency adoptions in this country are ethical (from a procedural standpoint), many are not; many first mothers and fathers speak of buying the rhetoric of ‘moving on’ only to later realize they could have parented and will never recover from losing their children; and really, there is not the need for domestic adoption to the extent that I once thought. There will always be some need for domestic adoption as an option for mothers who absolutely cannot care for their children–but there are already more than enough people lined up to parent those children.
Since I’ve parented a newborn I no longer feel the same kind of baby fever I once did (maybe it didn’t help that said newborn was not exactly the easiest baby…) and so along with my uneasiness about domestic adoptions (not outright rejection) I am more focused on need–who are the children that are in most need of homes right now? We’ve talked over adopting from foster care but at this point that is not the right option for us (I may elaborate on this later, if I can work it out in a coherent and sensitive way), so that leads us, maybe, to international adoption of a young child who, despite all other attempts, is not able to stay with his or her family in their country of origin. Of course this is uncharted territory for me (not for Attic Man) and there are layers of loss we haven’t fully thought through. I’m reading Third Mom all the time, especially because we might be interested in Korean adoption…
I’m just blathering here so that I can clear this out of my mind for the moment and get back to academic work–anyway, we’re back. I hope a few of you are still reading because I have the feeling we’re going to need some help navigating it all…
I’d hang with Abebech and American Family, too. I don’t know much about international adoption but I can totally get behind those two women. (And I know AmFam in person and she’s as hard-core in real life as she looks to be on her blog. She is also the most kick-ass person I know when it comes to parenting with an eye to attachment in adoption.)
You’ve got a lot going on….but you’ll be in good company (Dawn’s right with her suggestions, too).
And a while back, you were wondering what the focus of your blog was going to be, and now you’re wandering into a big new set of questions/issues. How handy for blogging!
I am new to commenting on your blog although I have been reading for a long time now. It should be interesting for you as well because the United States is now Hague compliant (like Canada has been for a while – I am Canadian and operating from that viewpoint) which should really introduce a whole new ball game in terms of international adoption. That being said, I am heading off with my husband – barring further visa hold ups – to Ethiopia next week to pick up our two little boys. I want to thank you and many others in the blogging world for forcing me to think , really THINK about adoption and its many implications.
I am still reading, and I’m SO glad you’re still writing.
I’m sorry I’ve been so absent. I had to dig my way out of moving-land to find out what you’ve been up to and here I read this!
As soon as I begin to tell up from down I want to start figuring out if and how we can adopt here as expats. Who knows, maybe we’ll coordinate the next children joining our families as neatly as we did the last ones. 🙂
I probably wouldn’t be so keen to think about it except Sydney is PACKED with young families and you can hardly find a seat on the bus for climbing over pregnant women! At the same time, we get A LOT of looks here. Adoption doesn’t seem very common. I had just started to feel the stares wearing off in Nashville and now it seems like we’re fluorescent again… Oh well.
How exciting! I am looking forward to reading as you go forward. I tagged you for a book meme today. What are you reading?
Cool! I look forward to reading about how the next great adventure unfolds!